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Plugging in the crystal ball

Aughhhh

CREDIT: Steve Helber-Pool/Getty Images
Is Michael Vick facing another 10 years behind bars?
Happy times … and hasn’t this weather just been marvelous?

Aughhhh, those were the unfortunate words I chose to conclude last week’s grunts in this space. Most weeks, I write this column on Thursday, and last week was no different. While not as difficult as, say, successfully lining up an interview with Billy Knight, writing for a weekly publication presents the challenge of producing material that will stay fresh throughout the week. So after soaking up a week’s worth of sun and then checking the week-ahead forecast to learn that more of ole King Sol was on the way, I felt relatively safe in typing “weather’’ and “marvelous’’ to wrap up last week’s efforts.

Of course, the next night the first-ever recorded tornado to hit downtown Atlanta blew in with intense force. I was having diner with a friend at East Atlanta’s Thai & Sushi when the F2 twister arrived. As the entire restaurant was huddled in the back of the darkened eatery, with debris flying and trees falling, I should have been more frightened, but for some reason my mind was cringingly focused on my column’s closing words. So after the weekend’s weather had settled down and two Georgians had lost their lives and Atlanta had suffered an estimated $150 million in damage, it was hardly marvelous. In fact, it was miraculous that no one was killed.

I learned my lessons with this one, and one is not to go Johnny Beckman on Mother Nature because that bad mamma jamma don’t play around. Sometimes, you just can’t fathom what’s going to happen. Such as Georgia’s improbable run to win the SEC Tournament, celebrating afterwards by cutting the nets on rival Georgia Tech’s home court. You would’ve needed a crystal ball to see that one coming.

You think Michael Vick would like to look into a crystal ball and see his future? A big part of it will be determined next week in Virginia, where Vick still faces state felony dogfighting charges; he’ll be tried in Surry Circuit Court beginning April 2. If convicted, he could face up to 10 more years in prison in addition to his federal time. As it is now, the former face of the Falcons’ earliest release date from prison would be between May and October of next year. But if the Commonwealth of Virginia piles on, the odds of a successful return to the NFL for Vick will grow longer and longer.

The powers of a crystal ball would certainly come in handy in many circumstances, including determining who will eventually emerge as a capable replacement for Vick. Will the Falcons blow the third pick in the upcoming NFL draft on Matt Ryan? Ryan may materialize into a franchise quarterback, but this team needs to address both sides of the line before it begins focusing on the quarterback position.

Will the Big Easy Grille’s new fried peanut butter and jelly sandwich, sprinkled with powered sugar and fruit, receive national acclaim as Mulligan’s Hamdog (a hot dog wrapped inside a beef patty, deep-fried, covered with chili, cheese and onions, and served on a hoagie roll topped with a fried egg and French fries)? Probably not, but it’s a super tasty sweet treat that should not be missed.

Will the Hawks make the playoffs? Their schedule appears to be favorable compared to their chief rivals competing for the eighth and final postseason spot. My heart says yes, but my head says no. And does anyone know if Fast Eddie Johnson is still in jail? Oh, and here’s a hockey riddle: If Jiggs McDonald chugged a Tuborg Gold in the forest, would anyone ever believe Atlanta will win a Stanley Cup playoff series?

Will a sloshed 20-something in a pink sundress fall down during the Party on the Backstretch at the Atlanta Steeplechase next month? Ummm, yeah. Will the Georgia Gym Dogs win the SEC championship this week in Gwinnett, all the while sporting fashionable glitter and face paint? You bet. Will there be a PowerAde shortage at this upcoming weekend’s running of the ING Georgia Marathon and Half Marathon like there was last year? Let’s hope not.

And is it true that with Mike Hampton ready to go, the average age of the Braves’ top four starting pitchers is 37? Well, yes, but who cares? Baseball’s back, and that’s just marvelous. And if I could look into a crystal ball and predict the Braves’ 2008 fortunes, I’d handicap anywhere from three to six home rainouts, which is about as much weather forecasting I’m going to be doing for the time being.

Happy times … and we still miss you, Guy Sharpe. SP